Michael Moore Claims the Rich May Have It but They Still Don’t Get It

The Occupy Wall Street Movement is confusing the hell out of most of the wealthiest citizens of the world. While they have more than enough money to hire someone to figure it out for them, they instead try and figure the whole thing out on their own. This leads to some major confusion when it comes to explaining to their kids just why they are so despised these days.

“It’s because we have all the money and we like to spend it,” said one father via Skype to his son who was an ocean away at prep school. His son had simply asked his father when he thought he might visit him as it had been over four months since their last meet up.

“They’re confused,” claims Harvard Economics Professor Wendell Dowdy. “They think their lifestyles as a whole are being attacked, when in fact, it is the way they make and hoard their fortunes that is getting them into trouble.” Dowdy claims 89% of the 1% who control the majority of the world’s wealth don’t have a clue when it comes to personal relationships, except maybe with their private accountants.

That is why they are now going after Michael Moore, a man who has entered into the world of the wealthy but refuses to enjoy the trappings of his success as he should. “It is just so abnormal,” claims Clive Van der Hoofenhoffen of Manhattan. “This guy has made it into our world and now he doesn’t want to accept his lot in life. He’d rather be out there in his disgusting hoodie and ball cap chanting with the Occupy Oakland riff raff.” Van der Hoofenhoffen claims that if Moore isn’t careful, he’ll lose his social standing with the wealthy.

Meanwhile, Moore says trying to explain his wealth to the wealthy is like trying to tell a baseball card collector he could care less about owning a Roger Maris card, while possessing at least three of them in his collection. “They have it, they can even buy it if they want, but they just don’t get it.”