Virgin Mary Likeness Found in Mexican Meth Lab Stain

Unconfirmed reports out of Mexico are claiming that a stain on a bench in a meth lab located in the small town of Arre Pentido bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. Villagers have flocked to the meth lab to view the image for themselves and to pray for miracles. Lines have formed with people bearing candles, flowers and statues of the Virgin Mary to place at the site of the image.

It is believed that the first miracle has already shown itself in the fact that the person who first witnessed the image, a man working alone at the time, reportedly fell to his knees as if in a trance and began praying just before he set about smashing all of the equipment in the lab, vowing to return to a life without crime.

Jesús (pronounced Hezus) Carpintero, the 23-year old worker at the lab when the alleged stain appeared, spoke from his jail cell about the discovery and what led to his arrest. In rapid speech, Jesús recounted his story. “I thought I was just getting high from the fumes when I saw the virgin in the stain,” he said, “but the more I looked at it, the more it started to look like her and then it seemed as if she spoke to me. She called me Jesús, which really freaked me out, you know? Because my name is Jesús and she said Jesús, lay down the drugs and give your life to Christ, which really freaked me out because, like it was like Jesús giving his life to Jesús, you know? And that’s when I passed out.”

When asked what else he remembered, Jesús recalled, “when I came to, the stain was still there and there were all these people trying to crawl over me and get to the stain to place candles at the site and to pray, and the police were handcuffing me and I realized that I had smashed everything in the place, and destroyed the meth lab and I was sore afraid of my boss finding out, but all I can remember at that point was trying to figure out if I was Jesús or if Jesús was me.”

Then, Jesús looked away for a minute and when he spoke again, the glow about him was diminished and he sounded more like the common criminal most knew him as. Realizing that he was being held for criminal activities, he continued cautiously. “I will never forget what I think I saw, although I cannot remember much more than that now, and even now, I’m not sure if I even was in a meth lab or just in my bedroom when the police mistook me for some guy who makes meth. But now I’m pretty sure this all is a big mistake,” he said before refusing to speak to anyone else about his ordeal.

Each day, the devoted return to visit the stain. They remove the boards that have been placed over the doors and windows of the meth lab shack so that they may gain entry into the proclaimed holy site. When told of the supposed miracle, Padre Filipe Iguales Calderon, the village priest, crossed himself, and pointed to a half dozen other known meth labs in the village and said, “Come see me as well, Blessed Mother; let me show you around my country, err town.”