Health Alert: Counterfeit Chinese Condoms Recalled

After reading this story, there will be true dilemmas playing out all over America--in bedrooms, on living room couches, in the back seat of daddy’s sedan or Tiger Woods’ Escalade—do I or don’t I take a chance with that pack of rubbers I just bought in bulk at Sam’s Club and the Dollar Store?

That’s right, yet another “Made in China” product has copulators all over America scrambling to their nearest Rx Center for more expensive, less lethal prophylactics that will hopefully keep them one step away from parenthood or worse (do we really need to go there?), and the customs agents who scored a few thousand condoms for their personal stash scrambling to health clinics under assumed names.

But don’t be quick to thank the U.S. Customs agents for vigilance in discovering the counterfeit condoms that until recently have been gracing shelves in Texas, New York and Virginia. No sir, that would mean that our system works. Rather, thank Chinese authorities themselves for spreading the word (among other things) about condoms produced in the Hunan Province since last March--yes, if junior or princess was a Christmas baby, you may just have the Red Star Condom Manufacturers of China to thank.

Although it’s reported that the defective condoms have been pulled from shelves by U.S. government agents, it’s a pretty sure bet that not only folks who bought in bulk, but also those out–of-the-way truck stops that don’t see the volume of traffic at their restroom condom machines as the more mainstream ones still have the counterfeit defective condoms laying around.

Therefore, everyone in America is asked to heed this warning issued by the Chinese Government: If you have condoms that say 法國備忘錄 which is loosely translated to “French that the tickle does,” or 取笑為樂趣 “so sure that rib to please you,” do not use them. They are defective and potentially dangerous to use due to the fact that they’ve been lubricated with ordinary vegetable oil and not the standard, less dangerous, “virgin” olive oil.