Still Plenty of Time to Buy For Christmas - Net's Best Satire, Vol. I Now Available Online

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Book Review (Short Version)

Sure, it's a great book because two of my stories appear in it, but if we're being honest, there are other satire writers out there who are equally as talented as me. Ok--more talented than me. Oh alright, stop twisting my arm--INFINITELY more talented than me.

But that just makes it that much more important to get your copy of this hilarious book today. You'll be happy you did.

Net's Best Satire, Vol. I is also available on Barnes & Noble website and wherever else great ebooks are downloaded.

Native Tribe Rumored to Know Pathway into Inner Earth

The rumor that inner earth is a paradise--known only to those who know about it--is true. So says one insider who claims that although he will not divulge where the opening is, he can say that it is now being utilized by an Arctic tribe who has been preparing the area for the end of the earth as we know it for going on three years.

Banana, peach, guava, citrus trees as far as the eye can see, hundreds of varieties of vegetables, lakes stocked with several species of edible fish, and enough game and fowl to feed the approximately 20,000 inhabitants for many, many years are said to be in place at this location, which is believed to be situated almost 700 miles below the earth’s surface.

Joshua Cane, a Harvard paleobotanist, has been studying the mythical world of Concha Terra for going on thirty years now and says that up until recently, it was just that…mythical.

“The news of this tribe readying Concha Terra for purposes of surviving a catastrophic event on the earth’s surface is not only one of the more interesting things I’ve heard lately,” said Cane, “but I tend to want to believe it due to the fact that there are too many similarities between what I’ve learned over the years and the small amount of information gleaned from the insider’s cryptic announcement.”

Cane was quick to point out that Concha Terra is not related in any way to the Hollow Earth so many Arctic explorers (including the infamous Admiral Byrd) and new age followers believe exists below the Arctic Circle.

“Evidently, this place is real. It exists and it is being utilized as we speak as a bunker by the tribe known only as ‘the Meek,’” said Cane, “who claims that the reason no one can find the place is that this tribe has also retained the ancient knowledge of being able to float above the earth instead of walking on it, allowing them to visit Concha Terra without leaving tracks in the snow.”

“Wishful thinking,” claims Jerry Newberry, a Scientologist from Nome, Alaska. “These rumors have been around for decades and every lead has turned up more false information.”

Newberry claims that even if such a place existed, it would be almost impossible to ready it for living conditions due to its depth. However, Cane disagrees with Newberry citing evidence that there are natural vacuums located just 20 miles below the surface that whisk the native Conchans to the inner sanctum within minutes.

Unfortunately, Cane’s interview was cut short by two men in lab coats who came to let Cane know it was time for his medication. Newberry was told to come along as well, as was their fellow patient known only as “the Insider.” 

John Boehner Suffering from ‘Walking Nervous Breakdown’

W-we s-still d-don't h-have
a d-deal....

Sources close to the White House say that they would have a debt deal today if it weren’t for the obstinate stand by John Boehner in refusing to allow even the most reasonable plan to come up for vote in the House.

No one in their right mind would let the country fall over the fiscal cliff, especially since both sides are pretty close to a deal, but it seems that may be just what Boehner is intending.

“And that,” says one physician who has been treating Boehner for other small ailments, “may be because John is suffering from what we call in the medical industry a ‘walking nervous breakdown.”

Dr. Henry Jefferson, who takes care of Boehner in Washington, explained that just like people can walk around with pneumonia and not know it, i.e. walking pneumonia, there are many people walking around with mental breakdowns and aren’t aware anything is seriously wrong with them.

“They appear to act normally, but small signs to the trained physician eye can give them away. A small eye twitch, a bit more slur in the speech pattern, an obstinate unwillingness to compromise, these are all signs of walking nervous breakdown.

Asked if gone untreated, it would develop into a full blown neurosis, the doctor said that it was difficult to say. He did comment on the fact that he hadn’t seen Boehner cry in a while and that is always a good sign, but that if things kept going the way they are, it wouldn’t be long before he’d be back blubbering like a baby again.

“All I can tell you is that I’ve advised Mr. Boehner that he should seriously consider getting this debt thing wrapped up as soon as possible, regardless of whether or not he pleases everyone in his bunch, because if he doesn’t, it very well could lead to a complete nervous breakdown.”