Glamour Guns & Ammo Opens High-End Shop on Rodeo Drive

Indicative of the offerings at Glamour Guns & Ammo

Proud gun owner Patricia “Pickles” McQuarty of Lubbock, Texas has just announced the grand opening of her new high-end gun shop on fabulous Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, California. Glamour Guns & Ammo will offer some of the finest guns made by manufacturers from around the world, from solid gold pistols to tiny Derringers in designer colors.

“I got the idea one day in my gun shop counting how many “Annies” (a term Pickles uses to refer to her female customers—named after the famous Annie Oakley) were coming into my shop looking for something that would discreetly fit into their handbags while doing the job they were meant to do.”

While women carrying guns in Lubbock isn’t all that unusual, it [Lubbock] isn’t the kind of town you would associate with high society. So, Pickles’ idea of bringing the guns to the ladies instead of vice versa had always been in the back of her head. A big fan of Project Runway and it’s runoff Project Accessory, Pickles got the grand idea of giving the uber rich their own guns and ammo store on Rodeo Drive.

“Look honey, I don’t care if you are going to a live show at the local theatre or having your picture taken on the red carpet, you want to make sure you are fully protected, and if the gun matches the outfit, well, that’s just icing (no pun intended) on the cake,” said Pickles in her sweet Texan drawl.

Pickles claims that most women in the upper echelons of society have always carried guns, but now with the advent of more and more open carry laws taking effect, they want something that, when taken out of their waistband or pocketbooks, doesn’t clash with their outfits.

“The kind of client I’m going after wouldn’t be caught dead using a plain old black revolver on the shooting range. She’s gonna want to wow them with my ‘Perfectly Pink’ target pistol,” says Pickles.

Glamour Gun’s inventory includes a diamond-studded Beretta Nano that is to die for at any cocktail party. It also offers cute little Cobra Derringers in just about any color you can imagine. In fact, says Pickles, if there is a special occasion you have coming up and she doesn’t have a gun for you in just the right color, give her enough time and she’ll have one made for you. 

“It’s kinda like having the shoes dyed to match the dress kinda deal,” says McQuarty.

Asked about the location, Pickles said that’s just about the best thing in the world about her new store. “Rodeo Drive. Honey, just how much more cowgirl can you get?”

Glenn Beck Show Saved by "Good Ol' Boy" Advertisers

Those of you worried that your favorite television hate slinger won’t be around much longer on the Fox News Channel needn’t lose any sleep. Glenn Beck is cashing in his chips from some big supporters, without whom he wouldn’t have a show.

Fox is getting flooded with calls from the very industries that made Beck the redneck household name that he is. Gun manufacturers, bail bondsmen, taxidermists, hunting dog puppy mills, and hunting suppliers from all over America are coming to Beck’s aid, offering to buy up advertising spots on his show in fifteen second increments to keep him on the air.

There are so many companies in line to purchase ad time on Beck’s show that Fox has had to form a lottery, allowing hopeful advertisers to put their name in the proverbial huntin’ cap for a shot at getting one of the highly prized spots. Most of the companies vying for the spots are cottage industries, and as such, do not even have an advertising budget, but they are asking their friends, families and customers to pitch in whatever they can afford to come up with the hundreds of thousands of dollars needed to keep Beck on the air.

“Skeet” Newby of Skeet’s Shooters Emporium in Joplin, Missouri had this to say about Beck, “Oh my God, I can’t imagine a day without listening to Glenn Beck. His words speak straight to my heart. Me and my family is going to do everything we can to help ol’ Glenn out, even if it means putting a second mortgage on the trailer.” There are hundreds more out there in America doing what they can to keep the Glenn Beck Show alive on Fox.

One major gun aficionado magazine “Cocked and Loaded” has expressed a desire to buy up all the spots in the first half hour of Beck’s show in order to air some pretty comical ads featuring the talking dog “AK-47.” While they weren’t specific on what the ads would depict, a spokesperson did give a few hints by saying that the spots would have everyone rolling in the aisles. “A talking dog with a southern accent and the baby shooting the gun is something that will appeal to most of Beck’s supporters,” said Karl Drove, head of the magazine’s marketing department.

Sources close to Beck have leaked the names of a few more companies that have put in their bids for this most coveted airtime. From smokeless tobacco companies to manufactured home dealers, anyone associated with the “Proud to Be a Redneck” movement are stepping forward to help good ol’ Glenn stay on the air. “In fact, we just received word today that the Southern Alliance of Thank You Jesus Our Lord and Savior Church Amalgamation has promised to turn over next month’s entire offerings from every church in the tri-state area to help keep Beck on the air,” said Sally Pittles, Beck’s private assistant.

Rascal Smitts of Rascal’s Camo and Ammo in Great Forge, Arkansas says he’s been listening to Glenn Beck for a couple of years now and credits Beck with getting the word out on the importance of owning guns. “Especially in today’s mixed up political world, where socialism seems to be making a comeback, it’s nice to know that someone gets it,” said Rascal. “I mean, things are getting to the point where you need to arm yourself at these political rallies to show who is still boss. I mean, for Chrissake, we have a guy with the name Hussein in office. Thank goodness we have Glenn Beck to remind us just how angry we should all be about that.”

Although Glenn Beck couldn’t be reached for comment, sources close to Beck say that he knew all along his supporters would come through for him and he’s more determined than ever to keep this country as divided as he can for as long as the ad revenues roll in.