U.S. Senate to Open Boom-Boom Room for Gentleman Senators

In an effort to keep tabs on the rising number of misbehaving male Senators in Washington, the Senate Appropriations Committee has put aside $60,000 to revamp a vacant office in the Senate Building, turning it into a boom-boom room.

The “Fun Pit” is being designed by noted 70’s interior designer, Ernesto Ball, who is best known for his far out designs using vivid colors, shag carpeting and lots and lots of lava lamps.

“Lava lamps set a sexual mood like nothing else can,” says Ball, who admits he hasn’t been this excited about an interior design job since he totally re-vamped Richard and Pat Nixon’s bedroom in Key Biscayne, Florida in the early 70’s.

“Wait’ll the guys get a load of what I have in store for them,” Ball explained as he showed reporters a quick sketch of the ultimate one-stop fun shop. “Over here, we’ll put a well-stocked bar,” he said. “And we’ll have over-sized cushions strewn about so that our wayward Senators can plop just about anywhere they please and still feel completely comfortable in or out of their own skin (wink-wink).”

Ball is also installing a state-of-the-art light and sound system which will enhance the stage for the paid dancers they expect to hire within the next few weeks.

Sen. John A. Dulterio (D-Minn) is chairman of the steering committee in charge of creating the boom-boom room, and says he is honored to head up such an important and long-overdue project.

“This has been coming for a long time, folks,” said Dulterio. “Had we had the boom-boom room in place when Tony Weiner needed it, well, he wouldn’t have had to take those pictures in a sweaty old gym. He would have had a real swinging place to showcase the body he has obviously spent years to perfect. And,” he added, “Tony wouldn’t have had to look online for girls to ogle him. He’d have had his needs met right here at the Senate.”

Dulterio says the boom-boom room should be operational in time for the holidays, a highly stressful time for most Senators who find it difficult to have to spend so much time at home with their families. “Our guys deserve a little R and R, away from their jobs and their families. The Fun Pit is just our way of telling them, ‘Hey guys, we get it.’”

House Gym Gets Thorough Scrubbing as More Weiner Photos Surface

The cleaning staff at the Rayburn House Office Building in Washington, D.C. has been asked to give a thorough scrubbing to the entire members’ gym area after more illicit photos surfaced showing half-naked NY Rep. Anthony Weiner. Weiner admits taking the photos of himself in various stages of undress using his Blackberry and a mirror.

Members began voicing concerns about the cleanliness of the gym, and, in fact, many members refused to use the gym until it was scrubbed from floor to ceiling to remove any and all ‘unsanitary’ substances from the tiled interior. Weiner denies he did nothing more than take photos, however, members are not taking any chances.

Rep. Herman Barnsfield, a 72-year old Independent from Averill, Vermont claims he hasn’t been able to use the gym since, in his words ‘that Weiner guy sullied its hallowed space,’ referring to the sauna that Barnsfield has frequented daily since 1986. While no photos were actually found depicting Weiner in the sauna, many members believe there isn’t one area that his Blackberry and he [Weiner] hasn’t had their way with.

Meanwhile, many are calling it a supreme irony that Weiner has hired a law firm to try and get the courts to issue a restraining order against anyone posting the very photos he so willingly displayed on the internet just weeks ago. So far there hasn’t been a ruling, but one court official who has seen the photos says they’re pretty sure the Judge won’t grant the request due to the fact that “you can see way more than that on the internet just by Googling the word ‘weiner.’”

Satan Tired of Being Blamed for Internet Porn-Related Scandals

Word has it that old Beelzebub is furious these days over being blamed for everything from pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s hoohah to Anthony Weiner’s bulging BVD’s. He claims that he’s tired of being a catchall for mankind’s failure to control their sexual desires.

“Why is it when I open the paper and read yet another story about a well-liked politician who’s been caught with his hand in his drawers, there is always a reference to some kind of evil making them do it?” says Satan. “I mean, for Christ’s sake, no pun intended, do you honestly think I waste my time on such piddly matters as this? I’ve got my hands full with deadly disasters like tornados and earthquakes. Seriously,” he continued, “hurricane season has just started. I’m full up man.”