Losers Claim Win-Win Just a Ploy to Sell Books

Losers around the world are waking up today to the sad realization that regardless of what they've been told in school and the workplace, the win-win scenario just doesn't exist.

"It's a ploy," said Ben Down from Montauk, NY, who admits he spent thousands on self-help, "feel good" books and tapes before realizing it was all a scam.

"I played along for most of my life and look where it's gotten me," he said from the sad little 8 x 10 room he now calls home at the Happy-go-Lucky Retirement Home just a few blocks from where he once lived.

Down and millions like him say they would love to blow the cover off the win-win folks, but they simply don't have a clue as to who they might be. More importantly, most losers say they just don't have the gumption. 

"Oh, I tried to grab life by the balls many a time," he said, "but just could never get a good grip on 'em and ended up saying the hell with it. Maybe I took that term a little too literally," he said nodding off to sleep, waking up long enough to add "Falderdall," before slumping into a restful nap.

Many others are telling similar stories.

"Oh yeah, I hear opportunity knocking all right," said Dee Flayted, "but before I can even get the door all the way open, some snot-nosed kid down the hall slams up against it and smashes it back into my face. Win-win, whatta laugh," she said scornfully.

Flayted says she even dished out a bunch of money to attend a leadership conference.

"Things were going well until someone said to me 'positive and negative are directions. Which direction do you choose?' I chose down."

Said Flayted, "When you experience your first win-lose situation, you may as well resign yourself to the fact that lose-lose is just around the corner."