A California woman is resting comfortably in LA General
Hospital after suffering an ailment that until now had only manifested in
soldiers fighting in overseas battles.
"She appears to have all the symptoms of battle
fatigue," reports Dr. Euell Dye, the physician who first saw the woman in
the emergency room.
"She came in late last night mumbling something
about defeating Mitch McConnell, and then went on some sort of rant about snake-oil
salesmen, and other odd couplings, leading us to believe she was either
psychotic or suffering some sort of head trauma," he said.
"She kept spelling election, over and over and over
again," said Dr. Dye. "We thought she was just losing her mind."
Doctors later came up with the battle fatigue diagnosis
after studying the symptoms on the Mayo Clinic website and speaking with her
husband, who accompanied her to the emergency room.
"It was a real head-scratcher there for a
while," said Dr. Dye, "but all the pieces fell together after I
talked with her husband."
The woman's husband filled in the pieces by telling the good
doctor that his wife became symptomatic during her 5-hour stint at a local
phone bank trying to talk sense into voters in the state of Kentucky.
"At that point, it became a no-brainer," said
Dr. Dye. "The woman was fighting an uphill battle," he said, adding
"no pun intended."
The woman requested her identity not be revealed for fear
of retribution by the GOP, but she did give this statement:
"Hi, my name is mrumphhhmppph and I'm calling on
behalf of Move-On.org to urge you not to vote for Mitch McConnell in the
upcoming...." at which time the anti-psychotic pills the hospital had her
on once again took her literally back to LaLa Land.
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