Ghost of Dead Conservative Couple Following Mitt Romney Around

We're Watching You Willard

When he waffles on an issue or appears to be going a bit soft on President Obama, Mitt Romney gets an invisible tap on the shoulder, or his papers will shift ever so slightly, making it hard for him to concentrate on what he is talking about.

Two ghostly apparitions that have been witnessed by several of Romney’s aides are being blamed for the seemingly inexplicable events.

“They appear to be an older couple,” said Marsha Willingsworth, one of Romney’s speech writers, who is also interested in the supernatural. “I’ve seen them [the ghosts] several times, always standing directly behind Mr. Romney, and always appearing to listen to him intently. I call them Thurston and Lovey, after the millionaire characters on Gilligan’s Island."

Willingsworth claims she has witnessed Thurston tapping Romney more than once when it appears he is heading in a direction he [Thurston] doesn’t like, such as Romney’s recent statements that he believes President Obama is turning the economy around.

“As of late, Thurston is turning up the heat,” said Willingsworth, “and I don’t know just how far the ghost will go to see that his conservative values are being met even in death.”

Meanwhile, Romney claims there is no such thing as ghosts and therefore refuses to believe it is anything more than just a rustling of wind or a wardrobe needing adjustment.

“I did feel a swift kick in the pants once while giving a speech to the Rotary Club in Des Moines, Iowa,” said Romney, “but I’d just had my suits altered that morning and believe the tailor may have gotten the inseam measurement a bit wrong.”