Jerry Sandusky Scared as Hell to Face Abuse Charges in Texas

Hi Jerry. Meet your new mommy.

By now, the world is aware of a very bad man who did very bad things to young boys. Jerry Sandusky, a coach at Penn State is in police custody after being charged with sexual abuse stemming from his allegedly forcing himself sexually on at least 8 young boys.

New news out of Texas, in particular, San Antonio, claims that Sandusky may also be guilty of abusing a young boy at an Alamo Bowl game in 1999 between Penn State and Texas A & M. The child was allowed to accompany Sandusky to the Alamo Bowl game for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We now know it was only a ploy for Sandusky to get the child alone for his sick pleasures.

These latest charges have Sandusky pleading for mercy. “I can’t face these charges in Texas,” wailed a visibly distraught Sandusky. “I have heard stories about Texas jails. There is so much abuse there. Please, I’ll do anything, just don’t make me stand trial in Texas.”

Authorities could not be pinned down on exactly when Sandusky will be extradited to Texas, but confirmed that they will do everything in their power to get him down there asap in their jails. “Yes,” said one jail official, “we do have a pretty high incidence of abuse. And we can’t wait to introduce him to some of our model prisoners.”