Banker Injured in Fall from Collapsing Pile of Money

Scene of Accident

David Sassetts, a wealthy Wall Street banker was rushed by ambulance to St. Anthony’s Hospital when the pile of money he was sitting upon collapsed. Doctors report that Sassetts suffered fractures in both hands as well as his coccyx and is expected to spend several days in the hospital.

Asked how the accident happened, Sassetts says he’s not quite sure. “Last thing I remember is sitting atop my pile of money, sipping cognac and reading the business section of the Wall Street Journal like I do every night after dinner. Suddenly, I felt a shift underneath me. Before I could escape, the pile of money collapsed and I went hands-first onto the basement floor.” Sassets was visibly upset saying he was uncertain whether or not his maid would ever be able to get the cognac stains out of his expensive white California shag carpet.

This is the first time the money pile has collapsed beneath him, according to Sasssets, although he had a close call in the early 90s during the dot.com bubble when the pile he built one evening began to shift sideways; however, it did not fully collapse.

While he builds his money pile every night the same way, Sassets believes the recent recession has actually caused him to have more money stacks than ever before, and he believes that the extra money in his pile caused it to become less stable this time and made it quite a bit more dangerous to climb onto.

Although the accident occurred at home and involved Sasset’s own money, he claims the accident is still work-related and anticipates filing a workmen’s compensation claim.  

“Had I not made all this money during the housing and mortgage crisis and getting all that bailout money from the government, my pile of money would have been significantly smaller and would not have posed as large a safety hazard as the one I ultimately fell from,” Sassets said from his hospital bed.