Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class without Rescue Plan

Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is separating the trapped Americans from reaching the upper crust.

While several escape plans have been formulated, none of them seem to be iron-clad winners and therefore, have not been put into action as yet. The committee put in charge of the rescue plan claims they are unable to put the effort and resources into such a large plan until after the elections have determined who the next group of rescuers will be.

“It’d be like taking money from one cause and putting it toward another,” said one rescue operation manager, “we just can’t afford to spend our election money on anything other than getting our people elected.”

Of course, Bernie Sanders, a big proponent of pulling the upper crust entirely off the middle class, is being drowned out by the other 2016 candidates who are saying they are fine with the situation for now as it means less money is being spent on things like adequate health care, better paying jobs, etc. I  addition, they believe that more humans on top means more carbon dioxide being exhaled. Said one
billionaire wishing not to be identified, "We have enough hot air up here now as it is."

In addition, they say that as long as the upper crust separates the "us-es" from "thems," there is no need to worry about depletion of fossil fuels, as they believe the bodies will eventually turn into peat, peat into coal, etc.

"Of course, that is a while away," said Donald Trump at a recent rally. "But you know, as long as we're in power, we can wait."

 Some say if the Democrats win, the trapped Americans may see some relief, although slow in coming, which means several hundred thousand may still end up worse off than they are at present. Some have just run out of the resources to wait. Some are living with one foot outside their front doors, while their homes are falling away from them.

Word getting back to the upper crust tells a story of horror as those caught below recount how they have been able to survive thus far. May Smith from Snap Bean, SC claims she’s gotten by barely.

“I’ve had to claw a corner of the space down here for myself to grow my own vegetables. My family takes turns guarding the patch at night from others who are so busy standing in lines trying to get one or two steps up that they end up without the resources to feed their families. Some are busy clipping coupons. It helps, but unless you can buy two of everything, which we can’t, a coupon isn’t worth the paper it's printed on. We end up using coupons to start fires to keep warm down here.”

Others say that if the Republicans get in, they don’t know if there will be a rescue at all. Barney Cratchett from Crockett, Kansas claims he’s voted Republican ever since he’s been of age to vote, but isn’t quite sure this year.

“You hear stories down here, you know? Stories about Ronald Reagan and how his economics was good enough for us in the 80’s, they may be good enough for us now. Without any bankers or lawyers or professional folks down here to run that kind of economic thinking past, I’m just not sure the money’s gonna reach this far down and without it reaching past maybe the 1^st or second level tier, down here at level 4, we may be waiting a long time to be rescued," he said, adding "the only trickle down we are getting here is some real nasty stuff if  you know what I mean. Those rich folks do love their asparagus.”

Sally Farnsworth, a single 50's Wal-mart worker who has found herself at the bottom of the lower middle class level says the same.

“It’s freakin’ scary to think about. I’m driving a 2000 Kia Rio. Sure, 100,000 mile, 10-year warranty, but that expired six years ago. I need a new muffler and brake system. Do the rescuers know that? I doubt it. It's being held together with duct tape and that stuff can be very expensive, even with my Wal-mart employee discount.”

Meanwhile, needless holes are being dug to reach the trapped middle class. Said one rescuer “It’s hit or miss, that’s all we can say. We try extending unemployment benefits, but at what cost? We try helping defray things like medical costs and high credit card interest rates, but the insurance companies and banks aren’t willing to even come out to the rescue site to see how they might lend a hand.”

Everyone involved in the rescue effort agrees on one thing, without everyone chipping in and trying to come up with a solution, those stuck in the middle and lower classes are going to remain trapped for a while longer and the best we can do is pipe down a few creature comforts like Cheetos and cheap fast food hoping that by Christmas, they can all come up for air.