Michael Moore Secretly on Tap to Advise New Chief of Staff

While it is true that Peter Rouse has taken over for Rahm Emanuel as White House Chief of Staff, there are rumors floating about the White House that it is Michael Moore and not Rouse who is now running the show for our President.

Moore has been tapped to be a top advisor to Rouse in the short time running up to the elections. If all goes well, Moore will take an even more active role in advising the advisor for the remainder of Obama’s term as President.

While no official press reports are expected on this major strategic move, there have been plenty of eyewitness sightings of Moore, Rouse and Obama meeting daily at the Waffle Shop on E Street in Washington discussing political strategy over burgers, fries and salads. Moore jokingly said his first order of business is getting the President to eat salads instead of his usual burger and fries but it seems to be an uphill battle. Moore claims he’s had private talks with Michelle and she jokingly confided that she has no worries about her husband raiding the Presidential Garden. Moore promised to help Michelle out as well when he isn’t telling Rouse what to say and do.

Moore was overheard by patrons explaining to Rouse that the biggest hurdle to the job of getting the Democrats re-elected to office senate seats is that there aren’t enough crazies in the bunch to make anyone stand out. “What we need, Pete, is a political base that isn’t afraid to talk tough right back to those tea party nut jobs. Quit taking their crap and tell them if they can’t tell the truth, they can’t represent Duluth, or something like that. You know, something catchy.”

It’s reported that Rouse really isn’t much of a Michael Moore fan and is taking this news rather hard. In fact, he’s losing a bit of weight as he just sits at the daily meal picking at his food and grimacing instead of bringing anything constructive to the table, like the metaphorical hot sauce on chicken wings so to speak.

Meanwhile, Moore has written Rouse’s first official statement for him which includes the words liberal and wussies in several places and which promises that there’ll be no more shellacking of the Democrats once Moore gets done with them. We are going to scrub those babies clean and give them a whole new veneer, one that is tough as nails but doesn’t need any shellack. “It will be all shine, but no shellack,” said Moore, using yet another of the metaphorical statements that seems to have gotten Moore this most prized position in the administration.

His camera crews, however, were told to turn off their cameras and put the next movie project on hold until after Moore’s tenure in the White House is on more stable ground.