A Progressive Hippie’s Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a large hippie clan living in a remote area of the Appalachian Mountains. They had been living a quiet life out of mainstream America since the early 70’s. They dropped out of society during the Nixon administration fully expecting to re-integrate back in when Nixon left office, but decided their lifestyle was one that could not be abandoned so easily.

Numbering in the tens of thousands, the group kept abreast of current events through a live news feed to the main meeting center; however, none of the individual dwellings were wired for radio or television. It is for this reason that this particular group of people were the purest of liberals. They actually practiced tree hugging, organic farming and homeopathic medicine. They shunned the modern world as we know it, save for one lone member who possessed an Apple iPad, asking that he not be identified.

One day, a hiker by the name of Corkie Simpson, one of Nancy Pelosi’s congressional aides, was hiking with friends on the Appalachian Trail. They came upon a few members of the clan who were out early in the morning harvesting mushrooms. The clan members were not able to escape quickly enough into the forest and were detained by the hikers. A friendly conversation ensued and the clan members agreed to sit down with the hikers over lunch and discuss the dire straits the liberals were in going into the mid-term elections.

The clan leaders felt a sense of urgency in what Simpson told them of how, if the liberals didn’t pull something out of their hats, were sure to lose the elections come November, and in the process, put America back at risk of becoming a true plutocracy. At first, the clan members shied away claiming that from what they’d heard, the liberals had their chance and they blew it, but Simpson was adamant that was just not so. She asked the clan leaders if they’d ever heard Glenn Beck or Sarah Palin speak, and they admitted they did not. The clan only listened to Amy Goodman on National Public Radio. Simpson invited the clan members to sit down in front of their one television and turn on the Fox News Channel, which they did.

As they shared homemade chicory coffee and blueberry buckle in front of the television, the clan members were warned that what they were about to watch may be gruesome but it was for their own good. They all began to watch the Glenn Beck Show together. Some clan members ran from the room unable to keep their lunch down; the message was so horrific. Others got angry, something they’d not done for decades. By the end of the broadcast, there was no doubt that the clan members had only one course of action—re-register to vote and vote democrat all the way.

Little did Sammy Simpson know, but this particular clan had satellite clans all over the United States that had lain dormant since the early 1970’s. Upon departing, Simpson secured the promise of the clan leaders that they would immediately call on their brothers and sisters throughout the land to rise up and vote just this once more to preserve and protect the middle class of America. Corkie then performed what everyone thought to be the height of an unselfish act, she left her cell phone with the leader of the clan so that he could call on all brothers and sisters in states all across the country to come out in numbers on Election Day. The clan asked for nothing in return.

While Pelosi’s very position as House Speaker lay in jeopardy, the reality of what these fine anti-establishmentarians were willing to sacrifice to counter the damage that may ultimately be done by the right fringe wingnuts is the kind of commitment this country has not seen for a long, long time. They only asked in the end that if they were willing to make such a sacrifice to come out of self-imposed exile to help out their fellow liberals, that progressives and liberals on the outside, the ones who are sitting idly by and letting someone else fight their battles for them, rise up alongside and make this truly an election to be proud of.

This fairy tale does not yet have an ending but it does have a moral. Stop your whining, and get out there and vote because if you do not, you have no one to blame but yourselves. And maybe, just maybe, we can amend this story to have a happy ending.

The end.