Zhu Zhu Pet Toymakers in Deep Zhu Zhu

Makers of this year’s most popular children’s toys, the Zhu Zhu Pet, are doing everything they can to avoid a recall of the toy after a report issued by GoodGuide indicates that the toys contain a potentially dangerous amount of Antimony in the fur and noses of the robo-pets that can lead to poisoning in children who play with them and ingest the toxic substance by way of mouth.

The toy company issued an initial statement totally denying the toys could have the potential to poison the little tykes lucky enough to get them for Christmas, and continued to place them on the market for sale. With the threat of a worldwide recall now a real possibility, the toy company has decided to include with every Zhu Zhu Pet purchase a free home hair analysis test for parents to periodically test their children’s hair for possible Antimony poisoning. Said a company spokesperson, “it’s a smaller price to pay than recalling all these wonderful pets and making all those children really, really sad for Christmas.”

When reached for comment on the potential fallout from this latest news, a Toys-R-Us company spokesperson had this to say, “at this point, we are just holding our breath and praying that all it comes down to is stocking a hair testing kid beside each Zhu Zhu Pet. At $40 to $50 a pop, we just can’t afford to take back all those hamsters, but giving free hair testing kits is a no-brainer.”

Meanwhile, pet shop owners are waiting to see what comes of this latest news. Harry Jones of Harry’s Hairy Hamster Pet Shop has decided to go ahead with plans to ramp up his pet hamster breeding program in hopes of having several hundred of the furry creatures by Christmas to sell to poor little kids who may be heartbroken when their parents return the robo-hamsters to the stores. “I used to sell these little fellas for $5 each, but come next week, hopefully, I’ll be getting closer to $50 for each of them. What’s a disaster for one toy company is a bonanza for me!” he said excitedly.

In a related story, Police in Camden, NJ have arrested Linda Buttafuoco-DiCenzo, stepdaughter of the famous Joey Buttafuoco, on charges of attempting to murder her second husband, Guido DiCenzo, by slipping a Zhu Zhu Pet into his drink while he was in the bathroom. When asked why a Zhu Zhu pet, Buttafuoco-DiCenzo stated “well, I heard some reports about some kinna toxic toy that could kill a person better than arsenic and I figured what the hell. Guido’s so gullible, I just told him it was one’a dem new kinna speciality drinks called a Hamster Hi-ball and he went for it, the dumb ox.”