Pot and Bongo Fest Expected to Draw Huge Crowds

The First Annual Pot and Bongo Fest scheduled to be held this year is expected to draw huge crowds from all over the world.

“Since this is the first festival in the country featuring legalized marijuana, we can’t put a figure on attendance, but assume it will become one of the most popular festivals in America’s history,” said Bud Harkins, one of the key organizers of the festival affectionately nicknamed “Pongo.”

Harkins claims the festival was the brainchild of his father, Capt. John “Feelgood” Harkins, head of Har-Grow Marijuana Fields in Oregon. 

“My father had a dream that one day marijuana would be freely used all over the world, and this festival is a tribute to Capt. Feelgood,” said proud son Bud, who says his father passed away a year ago in a freak tractor accident. It just so happens the festival is scheduled to run on the anniversary of his death.

Not only will marijuana from the Har-Grow farms be freely flowing, but attendees will have a chance to enjoy many foods laced with the versatile herb, including marijuana ice cream, pot brownies, apple pot tarts, and more.

Musical guests headlining the event include Roger Waters and David Gilmour of Pink Floyd, reuniting once again on stage, as well as Donovan (Mellow Yellow), the Beach Boys, and the Four Tops and Temptations, who will announce a super special guest sometime in the near future. 

It is also rumored that actor Matthew McConaughey will join Todd Rundgren on Sunday for a special rendition of Bang the Drum All Day. Participants are encouraged to bring their own bongos and join in the fun. They are hoping to break a world record for most bongos played in one place.

Rainbow Kitchen Commune will provide some yummy vegetarian treats at no cost. You are encouraged to wear your tie-dyed t-shirts, bell bottom blue jeans, and flowers in your hair for one of the best parties this side of Woodstock.

So mark your calendars and buy your tickets early because they are expected to sell out at a record pace.

Harkins wants to remind everyone that the Pot and Bongo Fest is not a smoke-free zone, as long as the smoke is herbal.

Security will be taken care of by the Hell’s Angels.

Wall Street Bankers Launch “Can We Still Be Friends” Ad Campaign

Ever since the Occupy Wall Street protests began over a month ago, several groups have been organizing and marching on the largest banks in the country, i.e. Chase, CitiBank, and Bank of America. The marches in every city culminate in protesters withdrawing their money from the banks and putting it either under their mattress, with online banks that do not charge fees, or into credit unions. This is leaving the major banks vulnerable, having to contend with a serious cash flow problem.

In order to entice the protesters to keep their money in their banks or at least stop the hemorrhaging resulting from these withdrawals, three major banks have come up with a marketing plan that they think may just woo those depositors back into their banks. It’s called the “Can We Still Be Friends” interest-bearing savings account with perks.

Through this program, if a protester puts their money back into the bank, they will receive ½ of ½ percent interest annually and a patriotic coin purse. In addition, the lobbies of all participating banks will have safety-stem lollipops just like in the good old days and in flavors the protestors crave, such as cherry, orange, grape and lime. Several cases of the lollipops have been anonymously donated to the Organize Wall Street protests in an attempt at a peace offering.

“We feel their pain,” said Senior Vice President of Bank Relations, Fernando Villanovo, while strains of Todd Rundgren’s Can We Still be Friends played in the background.

The banks have hired the best public relations firm in the business to, in Villanova’s words, “turn this Occupy America thing around before it just gets too out of hand.”

Asked if the offer of a couple cents a year on a savings account, a cheap vinyl coin purse and flavored lollipops don’t work, what can the bank do next to turn things around? Villanova said, he didn’t know.

“I know they want us to pay back the bailout money, but quite frankly, that is a no can do for us. We spent it on last year’s bonuses,” he said. “If you think these protesters are angry, see how angry our executives get if there are no big bonuses this year.”

Villanova says the banks are truly between a rock and a hard spot right now and are asking the protesters to please see their dilemma and cut them some slack.

No word yet if anyone is falling for the “Can We Still Be Friends” campaign, but word on the street is the lollipops are all gone.