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| Wonder if I can swim across without being noticed |
Well, folks, it’s that time of year again when the
letters start trickling in from the kids whose parents have shipped them off to
camp for the summer. In today’s hectic world, all it takes is one little
mistake and the kid you send out as an innocent child could very well come back
as, well, an evolved being.
Dear Dad,
Dear Dad,
A word to the wise. Next time you want to cut corners on
something, it might be a good idea not to do it on my summer camp tuition.
Seems that “great deal” you got back in April to send me off to camp for two
weeks didn’t mention that I’d be shackled to my bunk mate during lockdowns. Here’s
a hint…“boot camp” doesn’t really have anything to do with hiking.
Sure, the Adirondacks are nice this time of year; the
lake is beautiful. However, the only wildlife I’ve seen so far is my fellow
campers taking a swing at their correctional officers and the occasional turf
war.
Speaking of arts and crafts, I never knew how many things
you could use to fashion makeshift knives, or “shivs” as we jokingly refer to
them here at camp. Please send more bars of Ivory and some black shoe polish.
Oh, and if you could, a couple of bandannas and some extra large basketball
shorts.
Well, I better wrap this up. My bunk mate wants to go for
a swim and we’ve almost got the three-legged back stroke down to a science now.
Oh, one more thing…can’t wait to show you my knuckle
tattoos. Here I was thinking most swear words had only four letters. Oh the
things I’m learning here. You and mom aren’t gonna recognize me when I get
home.
See you soon,
Jimmy, aka J-man
Camp Homie-Away-From-Home
Dear Mom,
You know how you thought you were sending me to Science
camp this summer so I could be with kids who have the same interests as me?
Well, you are not gonna believe this. I am pretty sure we
are now Scientologists. Yeah, who knew? We misread the brochures. I don’t
remember it saying anything about brainwashing.
Anyway, I think we still believe in the same God, but not
really sure yet. I’ll let you know after I attend a few more meetings with the
other disciples.
At any rate, they are treating me really nice here so
long as I don’t talk about Jesus Christ being my Lord and Savior. For some
reason, that really ticks the counselors off. But don’t worry. They never yell
at me, at least not like Pastor Higgins does when he talks about going to Hell
and all.
So that’s about it. Oh, by the way, I hope you get this. My
big plan is to sneak off to the main road, flag a trucker down and make him
promise he won’t tell anyone back at camp that I asked him to mail this for me.
Well, gotta run. We have a late arrival and everyone is
simply crawling over each other to get to him first. Hopefully, they won’t miss
me for at least a couple hours.
Love and Light,
Heather
Camp Alpha Delphi
