"Arousal Man” Barred from Future Palin Rallies

Cliff Boehner, no relation to Sen. John Boehner, has a bit of a problem whenever he gets within 100 feet of Sarah Palin. He can’t contain his excitement and, in fact, becomes highly aroused. It is for that reason that Mr. Boehner is no longer welcome at any of Sarah Palin’s future rallies.

Said a Palin spokesperson, “You can always tell when Mr. Boehner is ‘front and center’ so to speak at Sarah’s feet because Sarah lets out a gasp and can’t concentrate on her speech. It really throws her rhythm off, to say the least.”

In Mr. Boehner’s defense, his friends and family say that Sarah would be hard pressed to find a more loyal follower. Boehner has been following Sarah Palin ever since she was first introduced by John McCain as his running mate in the 2008 elections and his family has gotten used to his little “problem.” In fact, now they just laugh and say “Cliffie’s got a stiffie,” and joke about being able to bottle that kind of enthusiasm.

“He’s really harmless,” said his wife, Carrie, of 28 years. “We’ve tried everything, therapy, medication, biofeedback, but honestly I’m not complaining. I just hope Sarah stays in the spotlight for many a year because honestly, I am the one who’s really making out on this deal.”

As for Mr. Boehner being banned from showing up at future rallies, Mr. Boehner claims that he’s willing to risk imprisonment to be close to the woman who makes him feel all tingly inside just listening to her voice. He admits, it’s not Palin’s message that forces his libido into a heightened state of alert. Boehner says it’s that nasally hum when she speaks that sends out vibrations straight to his core. “It’s the best sex I’ve ever experienced without actually physically touching anyone,” he claims.