Rush Limbaugh Says Al Gore Not to Blame for His Shrinkage

Rush Limbaugh was unusually candid this week regarding the size of his penis.

“They tell me it has something to do with Al Gore and his climate change crap, but I’m not buying it,” says Limbaugh.

“To be frank, I think it is all those Lesbinos who are weirding me out,” he said, taking a moment to clear his throat and light another over-sized cigar.

While Limbaugh says it would give him great pleasure (no pun intended) to blame the size of his penis on Al Gore, the truth of the matter is, this one time, Gore has nothing to do with it.

“It ain’t global warming,” said Limbaugh. “It ain’t the image of Al Gore naked on a massage table either,” said Limbaugh, intimating that that image has sometimes actually aroused him from time-to-time.

Meanwhile, it was reported that several of Limbaugh’s former male assistants have already filed a class action lawsuit against Limbaugh based on their own claims that being required to work in a smoke-filled environment for years has caused each of their male members to shrink by over 10%. They have hired a female attorney to represent them (some say to make sure that throughout the trial, they can maintain proof of their evidence).