Obama Assistant Caught E-mailing Palin as 2012 Secret Adviser

Washington, DC - Lots of people around this time of year get e-mails and cards and letters from secret admirers that profess from a safe place just how they feel about their romantic targets.

In a troubling story out of Washington though, an aide to President Obama has put quite a twist on the secret admirer thing-y and has used it as a tool against one of the President’s most fierce opponents, Sarah Palin.

Susie (Suze) Ruze was reportedly relieved of her clerical duties early Monday morning and her White House e-mail account was suspended after it was learned that she had sent over a couple dozen e-mails directly to Sarah Palin on matters that would have been classified information had they not been blatant lies. Ms. Ruze is believed to be a member of the W.A.S.P. movement, i.e. Women Against Sarah Palin.

Ms. Ruze was caught when the astute White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, put two and two together. “When I heard Palin state that she was ‘receiving daily e-mailed briefings from people in Washington on events and issues there,’ I got a little suspicious,” said Gibbs. “Then, when I went back and watched a video that had Palin saying ‘Obama could win re-election if he is seen as a tough president in a time of war... for example, that he could play ‘the war card’ by attacking Iran, or express stronger support for Israel,’ well, I knew for sure at that point that someone who must really have it in for Ms. Palin was feeding her some really stupid things to say, and she was taking the bait--hook, line and sinker--and that’s when I started looking at Obama’s own staff members for clues.

We suspected it might be Suze Ruze as she had this funny little tic over her right eye that would get going really good whenever any one of us would say the name Sarah Palin. She just went a little ballistic thinking about the woman.”

When questioned, Ruze finally admitted that she was the one who sent Palin the e-mail about Obama waging war to see just how gullible and uninformed Ms. Palin really was. “I had to think up something that Palin would run with and boy did she scoop that puppy up,” said Ruze. “I did it because she asked for it. Was it not Sarah Palin who said on Fox News that ‘Now, of course, my focus...has been enlarged. So I sure as heck better be more astute on these current events, national issues, than I was two years ago…?’ I figured, wow, what a great opportunity to help a sister out,” said Ruze, who’s eyelid was now ticking uncontrollably.

When Ruze was asked whether or not that was the first time she decided to help Ms. Palin out with a few civics, geography and current events facts, Ms. Ruze replied, “no, I had been doing it on and off long before that. I’d had enough of the ‘seein’ Alaska from her home,’ and not knowing why there were two Koreas, and though those things were pretty annoying, the straw that broke the camel’s back was hearing about her making all that damned money for a book she didn’t even write. I guess I just got carried away with wanting to give her a better understanding of how Washington works.”

But it was the e-mail that advised Palin to talk about Obama using the “war card” that finally led to Ms. Ruze being caught. “If it weren’t for the fact that Suze got bolder and bolder as she went along and went from just giving little innocuous pieces of information to make Palin look a tad unprepared and perhaps not as educated as her contemporaries, to actually telling her to say on national television that President Obama may have a chance of winning an election if he started another controversial war, well, she just went over the top on that one, and it’s the one that got her, and Palin good,” said Gibbs.

The FBI is not giving any details as to the e-mail moniker Susie Ruze used to give her misleading information to Palin, but they have now involved Google, as it appears to have come from a Gmail account both within the White House and a possible second e-mail account outside of the White House. In addition, there may also be several Twitter accounts that are involved and the FBI is looking into this possibility. Because of this, Ms. Ruze’s Blackberry has been confiscated and her account suspended until this can all be sorted out.