Meg Whitman, the former CEO of eBay has spent upwards of $160 million of her own money in a run for California Governor, which easily tops the private spending of any candidate anywhere in the entire universe, or at least the part of the universe we are aware of.
And what if she loses? Exactly. That is why she was found recently huddled in her pantry among half-empty tins of duck liver pate and those little pieces of petit toasts threatening to slit her wrists with the spreading knives if someone didn’t tell her where her money was.
She could be heard screaming throughout the west wing of her palatial home “Where is my money? What have you done with it?” In reality, it all went toward a run for governor of California which is now highly suspect of going to her Democratic opponent, Jerry Brown.
Meg was finally coaxed out of the pantry when asked to give one last campaign speech in which she stated: “I can almost see how I’d wanted to spend a large sum of money to make sure California doesn’t fall into the hands of some aging hippie who’s only object to be Governor is to see to it that Proposition 19 succeeds; but if he actually does become Governor, the first thing I’m gonna do is demand a refund.”
With that, Whitman crawled back into the pantry and dove right into an extra large jar of her favorite caviar.